Backstage

I love to listen and observe…more than anything.

Does that surprise you, oh gentle reader? It should.

Those of you who know me know conversation is one of my favorite past times. And because I make quick decisions based on my intuition, not necessarily analysis or data.

But it’s true. I love to listen and observe.

And this morning, I’m in heaven. Heaven is actually backstage at the Schuster Center in downtown Dayton. It’s ENORMOUS! You could probably fit my entire house (basement to attic) in the backstage with room to spare. It’s also all blacked out. There are wires, switches, complicated panel boxes, pulleys, and miscellaneous equipment.

Behind the closed red, velvet curtain, the stage is set up for the Dayton Philharmonic. In fact, their scores are sitting in a stack in front of me as I type at a fold-up table in a captain’s chair. I flip through them reverently (after asking permission from the stage manager, of course). Aged paper, musty smell, penciled notes and mayhem on top of order. I love everything about it.

This all feels, surprisingly, like a natural habitat for me.

I’ve been backstage many times before, but I’ve never noticed how naturally I fit here. I’m sure it’s because this time I’m just an observer, not an active participant.

That should surprise you too, oh gentle reader. Those of you who know me know I am a very active person. By choice. I enjoy being active. I have more energy than I know what to do with. I like to be involved. I like to get things done. I even like to start things. Occassionally I even enjoy being on stage. Singing. Or talking. I can do both. And I do them well.

But backstage…well, it feels like home this morning.

Maybe it’s because the stagehands keep popping their heads in to share stories about their families, their jobs, their adventures, their dreams, their projects…their lives. I think the world of these people. They are some of my favorite people ever.

But maybe I feel at home here because it’s quiet other than the clicking of my keys while the show goes on. Maybe it’s because it’s a space just ready to be created into something…like a ship. Or a kingdom.

Whatever it is, I welcome it. It’s part of the complicated and unique dichotomy that I call “my charm.”

And this morning all I have to do is listen and observe.